29 October 2010

Erma Bombeck - funny quotes

Erma Bombeck, an American humourist, has been one of my favourite authors. 
Her writing is witty and quietly funny and her books are great to drive away your blues and put you in a happy place. My favourite-- 'Aunt Erma's Cope Book' - is a definite must read!!
Here are some of her funny quotes. If you are a woman - and a mother- reading this, you might identify with many of them. Read on and smile a little...
    • There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo. 
    • I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie. 
    • My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch on fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one cares. Why should you?
    • When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway. 
    • Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. 
    • In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.
    • It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
    • What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?
    • When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me".
    • Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.
    If you too are a fan and have your fave quotes please feel free to add them here...I would love to read them.

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